Can You Lose Weight With This Huge Vibrating Fork?

One of life’s most mundane endeavors is weight loss. As much as I’ve tried to enjoy going to the gym (shoutout to the ladies at water aerobics! Much love!) or embracing a fun new diet (cabbage soup! Never leaving the bathroom again!), my boredom has always caught up with me. And if not my boredom, then a polite gym attendant who has to invite me to stop walking on the treadmill like it's a runway because it is disturbing the other patrons.

In my quest to find new ways to torture myself, I’ve found the Hapifork. The Hapifork is a giant fork that costs $99.99 at Brookstone and buzzes and lights up when you eat too fast. This is how the fork lets you know you’ve transgressed. It has a customizable timer that counts the seconds between bites; if you eat too quickly, the fork vibrates and flashes, alerting everyone that you are Augustus Gloop-ing your way through life.

Monday, 4 P.M.
After a four-hour charging period, the fork is ready for use. I’m less ready than the fork, mainly because in my excitement to try it I have ordered food that is not traditionally eaten with such an instrument: curry soup and fries. In a fit of inspiration I spear the fries with the fork and eat them one by one as nature never intended. I eat slowly at first so as not to anger the fork. Then, having felt no vibrations or embarrassing light-ups, I begin taking risks, shoving food into my mouth at a human pace. The fork buzzes against my teeth. I feel like I am at the dentist. I eat slower.

Monday, 4:30 P.M.
After the tenth individual fry (which I chewed 100 times, thank you), I drop the fork and go after the entire basket. When my partner Allen comes home and asks whether I ate slower, I just growl and fling the remaining nubs of French fries at his face.

Tuesday, 6 P.M.
The fork and I go to an Italian restaurant. As I’m removing it from its case, the waitress tells me that the restaurant provides its own forks for my convenience. I explain that I need a special fork as Allen looks on, mortified. What?

Tuesday, 6:15 P.M.
Allen tells me he prefers me not eating with what appears to be an enormous multi-pronged vibrator. He says I look like a sad, sexual Christmas Tree.

Tuesday, 6:16 P.M.
I put the fork away. I eat seven breadsticks.

Wednesday, 12 P.M.
I take the fork to a work party but am too afraid to use it. Instead, I keep it in my bag and force myself to count to ten in between bites. I feel like an insanitor.

Wednesday, 1 P.M.
I steal a slice of cake from the party and eat it in my office with the fork. At the rate I’m going, I’m afraid I'll run out the batteries at record speed. The fork buzzes and buzzes. A friend enters the office and I quickly stick the fork into my bag where it refuses to believe I’ve stopped eating and vibrates in desperation, begging me to slow down like it's that one song by TLC. I hear you, fork. I’m trying to stick to the rivers and the lakes that I’m used to.

My friend asks if I plan on answering my phone because it seems like someone is trying to get through. I consider taking out my phone and talking loudly on it to drown out the fork, but think better of it. Instead I kick my bag. So much for looking sane.

Thursday, 8:30 P.M.
We (me and the fork; this is my main relationship now. Allen is there, too) are going out to dinner with my his friends on Friday and we agree that we need to discuss it beforehand.

"How long do you plan to do this?" Allen asks. “Like is this a week-long thing?"

"This is a lifestyle change," I tell him. "This is me now."

"You should practice in the mirror then. You make really weird faces when you’re expecting the fork to vibrate, and it’s clear that you’re counting to ten between bites."

He’s correct. When I consult with the mirror — vibrating forks! Talking mirrors! Bring me the heart of Snow White! — it’s clear that the fork will still take a little bit of getting used to. I’m biting too hard and my teeth are clanging against it.

"And the red light is freaky too," Allen says as he passes by. "That is some real American Horror Storyshit you’ve got going on there."

Friday, 7 P.M.
I choose not to bring the fork out to dinner. Mainly because I forget. But it may not just be a coincidence. Even though the fork forces me to be mindful of my eating, it’s not as effective as I’d hoped. The buzzing isn’t enough to make me eat slower, the vibration actually makes eating pleasant, and the red light in my peripheral vision just annoys me.

Plus, it’s a fork the size of a Yeti’s hand that vibrates like a dying bed at a cheap motel. I think I’ll take my chances with a few extra pounds.

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Imagine Having to List Your Weight and Height on a Job Application

In what may be the world's most awkward job application process, right up there with trying out to be Miley Cyrus's Christmas tree, South Korean companies routinely ask prospective employees for personal details like height, weight, and blood type. Korea Investment & Securities Co., the Wall Street Journal reports, also asks applicants for information about their parents' employment. Additionally:

Rubber-product maker Nexen Corp. asks an applicant to reveal his native place, family root, weight and height, eyesight, blood type, religion, and civil state. Applicants are also asked to reveal their parents' names, ages, educational achievement, the names of companies they work for and their positions there, whether the applicant lives with them, and information on each applicant's siblings.

The South Korean government just passed a bill designed to curtail the collection of such personal details from potential employees. Because honestly, as if applying for a job weren't nervewracking and awkward enough, can you imagine: "What are your biggest weaknesses? And HOW MUCH do you weigh again?" Encouraging stuff, right there.

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Teens Who Overcome Obesity Likelier To Develop Eating Disorders

A new study from Pediatrics (via USA Today) shows that obese teens who lose the excess weight are significantly likelier to develop eating disorders later in life. That's no surprise — losing weight is tough, and the lines between dieting and disordered eating can easily become blurry.

But unlike adolescents who start off at a more normal size and then lose weight, formerly obese teens are much less likely to receive medical treatment, even for severe eating disorders. The study suggests that doctors applaud weight loss in obese patients where it would otherwise be a cause for concern, resulting in eating disorders going untreated for years. Psychiatrist Jennifer Hagman explains that it's a "new, high-risk population that is under-recognized" among medical professionals: "They come in with the same fear of fat, drive for thinness, and excessive exercise drive as kids who would typically have met an anorexia nervosa diagnosis. But because they are at or a even a little bit above their normal body weight, no one thinks about that."

The findings looked at two case studies of teens who had lost a dramatic amount of weight and developed eating disorders, showing clear physical symptoms of anorexia, from stress fractures to dizziness to hair loss, as well as psychological ones: "Fear of fat, drive for thinness, and excessive exercise drive," says Hagman. "But because they are at or a even a little bit above their normal body weight, no one thinks about [anorexia]." Those teens were diagnosed with rarer diseases, with doctors ignoring the obvious possibility that those patients instead could have eating disorders because of their weight histories. 

Leslie Slim, the clinical director of the eating disorders program at the Mayo Clinic, says that "when a child is obese and starts to lose weight, we think it's a really great thing and we applaud it and reinforce it and say it's so wonderful and now you're healthy," says Sim. But if that weight loss becomes problematic, those patients "are just not being identified because of their weight history."

Recent statistics show that 6% of youths suffer from eating disorders, which have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness; meanwhile, 55% of high school girls and 30% of boys reported "disordered eating symptoms" in 2011 — a scary figure. 

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9 Times You Should Shut Up About Your Weight

1. When you wake up.

"Ugh, I feel so fat today!" is a shitty way to start the day, and you don't need that garbage talk in your brain or your life, so kindly knock it off and start your day with a "Holy fuck, I am the hottest and also, is Zac Efron single?! Because someone should tell him he can't get this." (JK, Efron. JK forever.)

2. Before you eat.

Aka "Ugh, I was so bad earlier today, I better skip dessert!" News flash: Skipping dessert doesn't mean you're being "good" or "better." It just means you skipped dessert. How about checking in with your body to see if you really want dessert, and if you do, have it? And if you don't, don't? One dessert isn't going to fuck you for life; on your death bed, you're not gonna be all, "Shouldn't ... have ... had ... that ... flourless ... chocolate ... tart ... *death rattle* *last gasp*" ... And scene.

3. Before you try on clothes.

Dude, your body is awesome and perfect and you don't need to dread looking at it in a bikini because GIRL, YOU FINE. Also, when you're all, "Ugh I need to lose 10 pounds before I can rock that Borat bathing suit to the beach," you take away your own power. And you don't need to do that, because plenty of media and advertising are already trying to do that. They want you to think you need to lose 10 pounds and shave yourself bare and magically become tan without getting skin cancer and a million other dumb things. But you're smarter than that and know that you don't need any of that shit to look and feel amazing.

4. Before you work out.

Before you work out, you should be all, "DAMN, I AM A CHAMPION FOR TAKING CARE OF MY BODY," and not all, "DAMN, I ATE HALF A CHEESE DANISH AND I AM A HEIFER SO I BETTER RUN FOR THREE DAYS STRAIGHT." That's not motivation, that's self-hate, and it's powerful and ugly. Exercise because you want to live forever, but don't exercise because you're afraid of wearing a larger size.

5. Before you go to the doctor's.

No more waiting to go to the doctor's because you're not at your ideal weight. Your doctor isn't going to shame you and if they do, you need a new doctor. There's no need to apologize for your weight or pretend you're going on a diet the second you see the number on the doctor's scale. They're here to help, not judge you. Now go get that weird mole checked out!

6. When you're out with your friends.

One of the worst things women can do together is obsess about their weight. It distracts us from real goals — aka girls running the world! Ever heard of it? Take it away, Bey! — and reduces us to pathetic stereotypes of girls counting calories and laughing over sad desk salads. If you feel great about your body because you lost five pounds, that's fantastic. But I hope you feel great about your body when you gain 10 pounds too. Because it's your body and it's fully lovable at any and every size and that's the kinda stuff women should be saying out loud. Right before they walk on stage to accept the Nobel Peace Prize. (While their date Zac Efron applauds wildly in the audience, wiping tears of pride from his adoring eyes.)

7. On social media.

Asking for people to validate your weight on Facebook is maybe the saddest thing on earth. It MIGHT be worse than just using Twitter to post the contents of your lunch. Yeah, it's that bad.

8. Around dudes.

No guy wants to be asked if your ass looks fat in that. It is literally the last thing on a list of things guys want to be asked, right after, "Do you want to try a SkinnyGirl Margarita?" and "Can you clean the toilet? My friends are coming over in 10 minutes!" Trust me, this dude is just so stoked he found a woman that lets him stick it in, he's thinking, "Yeah your ass looks fat and I LOVE IT."

9. Before you go to bed.

It's time to banish the "I had a hamburger today and so tomorrow I will starve myself" bullshit. How about, "Damn, that burger was good and I am excited for what tomorrow brings, whether it be more burgers, grad school acceptance letters, or a menage a trios with Zac Efron and Zac Efron. Bring it, future me!"

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A Certain Kind of Apple May Prevent Weight Gain

Everybody knows that apples are healthy, but there's a new reason to reach for the green ones: In a recent study, researchers from Washington State University compared seven common apples varieties and found that Granny Smiths are more likely than other kinds to help fend off health issues related to obesity, reduce your risk of diabetes, and maybe even promote weight loss.

In the study, researchers separated and measured different components of Braeburn, Fuji, Gala, Golden Delicious, Granny Smith, McIntosh, and Red Delicious apples to see which contained the most bioactive compounds, non-digestible parts that reach the colon intact and promote the growth of healthy bacteria. While all apples had some of this good stuff, Granny Smith apples contained the most.

In a second part of the study, the researchers compared the kinds of bacteria in droppings of obese and lean mice before and after feeding them the special apple compounds. (Stool contains evidence of gut bacteria, FYI.) Initially, researchers found that obese mice had different kinds of bacteria than lean mice. But after the obese mice ate the apple compounds, their bacteria began to resemble that of the lean mice.

Previous research has shown that certain bacteria found in obese people's guts can make them absorb more calories from food and make them more prone to weight gain. While more research is needed, the new findings suggest that eating Granny Smiths could balance out this bacteria in obese guts to facilitate weight loss and protect against health issues associated with being overweight, like inflammation and diabetes.

Before you start a green apple cleanse (for the record: BAD IDEA), remember that the subjects in this study were mice, not people. There's no guarantee that humans will react to apple compounds the same way.

But until more research is done, it can't hurt to get more green apples into your diet.

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How Victoria's Secret Model Elyse Taylor Lost 60 Pounds of Baby Weight

Australian model Elyse Taylor gave birth to daughter Lila eight months ago. Being a Victoria's Secret model, naturally, she's back in her pre-pregnancy shape:

Taylor says she put on over 60 pounds during her pregnancy, weighing 176 pounds right before she gave birth, according to the Daily Mail Australia. (Experts in the States recommend a 25- to 35-pound weight gain for women who are at a normal weight before pregnancy, or up to 40 pounds if you start out underweight.)

The model said she's had to work hard to lose the weight — and it wasn't easy:

"I tried different diets and now I'm on the blood type diet. My body has changed because usually I just juice or have salads. It's been exhausting [having to workout.]"

In an Bonberi.com interview she gave during her pregnancy, Taylor shared the fitness routine responsible for her pre-pregnancy figure: everyday, she did an hour of Pilates and 30 minutes of cardiolike running or power walking.

As for the Blood Type Diet, it's an eating plan based on the theory that your blood type affects your nutritional needs and can predict the way your body reacts to particular foods. Taylor didn't mention her blood type, but if you know yours and want to get on board: type As benefit from vegetarian foods; type Bs should avoid chicken and double down on gamey meats, veggies, eggs, and low-fat dairy; type ABs should avoid caffeine and alcohol, and load up on tofu, seafood, dairy, and greens; and type Os should avoid wheat, dairy, caffeine, and alcohol, and stick with lean meats and produce, according to the official Blood Type Diet's website.

The eating plan isn't designed for weight loss — it's more to promote wellness and fend off weight gain. If you think you need to lose weight though, chat with your doctor before you follow Taylor's lead.

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The 9 Best Desserts for Weight Loss

If you're on a diet, you absolutely, positively should be eating dessert. Really. For one, deprivation isn't sustainable. Deny yourself sweets for too long, and before you know it, you'll wake up with an empty cookie tin and a sugar hangover that makes tequila look tame. Ultimately, you'll gain back whatever weight you've lost and call the whole diet thing off.

Let yourself indulge in dessert on the regular though, and you may start to skip second and third helpings to save room for your treat. As long as you don't overdo it on dessert, this could reduce your overall calorie intake and ultimately result in weight loss, says Vicki Shanta Retelny, Chicago-based registered dietitian nutritionist.

But don't just give your sweet tooth anything it wants.  Set aside no more than 200 calories per day for dessert, and choose a treat that doubles as a weight loss weapon. It should be portion-controlled and include all of the most satisfying nutrients: high-fiber carbs, protein, and a little bit of fat, Retelny says. Here are nine treats that fit the bill – none of which are boring fruit:

1. If You Crave a Brownie: Try a Pure Bar Organic Dark Chocolate Brownie Bar

2. If You Crave Lots of Chocolate: Try Dark Chocolate-Drizzled Popcorn

3. If You Crave an Ice Cream Sundae: Try Greek Yogurt With Pistachios, Honey, and Dark Chocolate Chunks

4. If You Crave Real Ice Cream: Do It Up

5. If You Crave Ice Cream (and Seriously Can't Stop at a ½ Cup): Eat Arctic Zero Frozen Dessert

7. If You Crave Pudding: Try Homemade Chia Pudding

8. If You Crave a Cookie: Go for a VitaTops Muffin Top

9. If You Crave Cake: Eat a Starbucks Chocolate Cake Pop

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What to Do at the Gym if You Want to Keep Weight Off

If you've managed to drop a few pounds this January, you're not going to like this news: The less you weigh, the fewer calories your body needs and ends up burning to function. Unlucky for you, keeping weight off can be even harder than losing it in the first place.

To find out whether exercise mitigates this totally unfair weight loss penalty, researchers from University of Alabama at Birmingham recently put 140 overweight women on an 800-calorie-per-day weight-loss diet and one of three supervised exercise programs: One group had to do 40 minutes of cardio on a treadmill three times per week; one group did resistance training (two 10-rep sets of resistance training exercises, including squats, leg extensions, leg curls, biceps curls, triceps extensions, lateral pull-downs, bench presses, overhead presses, lower back extensions, and sit-ups) three times per week; and one group didn't exercise at all. 

When the women lost enough weight to fall into the "normal" range for body mass index, they transitioned to a less stringent diet plan designed for weight maintenance and continued to exercise as prescribed for four more weeks. 

Before and after the experiment, researchers measured how much energy each woman used at rest and from moving around on her own, outside of supervised exercise sessions. 

Not surprisingly, the women who didn't exercise at all were SOL: Their bodies burned fewer calories at rest than women who exercised, as expected, but also because they moved around less than they did before they lost the weight. This could be because their low-calorie diets led them to believe they had less energy, according to lead study author Gary Hunter, Ph.D., a professor of kinesiology at University of Alabama at Birmingham. 

The women who did exercise fared much better: Their metabolisms slowed down a bit, as expected. But resistance trainers, in particular, ended up moving more outside the gym, and they burned more calories than the cardio groups by doing so. 

While you might feel like plopping down on the couch the second you get home from the gym, Hunter says resistance training actually has the opposite effect: It gives you the strength to walk around with more ease, which enables (and evidently, encourages) you to be more physically active throughout the day. And taking a few extra steps here and there can help you keep excess weight off for good.

The bottom line is that successful dieters need all the help they can get, and working out could be just the ticket. If you don't have time for cardio and strength-training? You won't be sorry if you start in the weight room.

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8 Things You Should Never Eat if You're Trying to Lose Weight

Lots of experts say it's stupid to forbid yourself from eating certain foods – that denying yourself something you really want to eat can ultimately lead to binge eating and eventual weight gain. So dessert isn't on this list — it's OK to indulge sometimes! But some foods really do deserve the axe — especially if you are trying to lose weight. In which case, avoid these foods (when you can!) to fend off cravings and hunger, and support your efforts to slim down.

1. Any Snack That Only Contains Carbs

When you eat crackers, dry cereal, bread, or rice cakes alone, your body converts the carbs to simple sugars, and sends it directly into your blood stream. In response to the sugar rush, your body produces extra insulin, which helps your body absorb the sugar ASAP. The problem: You end up with low blood sugar and the same hunger pangs that led you to carb it up in the first place. You then may be inclined to reach for sugary foods with no nutritional value to satisfy your need for instant energy, says Dr. Charlie Seltzer, M.D., a weight-loss specialist based in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

It's not that carbs are off-limits entirely. That'd be crazy — and it's no way to live! The point is that snacks containing a combination of carbs, healthy fats, and protein take longer to digest, and will, therefore, tide you over for longer. Another thing: When you treat snacks as balanced mini meals, they contribute to a balanced diet (instead of just holding you over between full balanced meals). Try a slice of bread with nut butter, or whole grain crackers with low-fat cheese, suggests Rachel Harvest, a registered dietitian affiliated with Tournesol Wellness in New York.

2. Frozen Meals

To make fresh ingredients last extra long in your freezer, food manufacturers often load frozen meals with sodium, a natural preservative, Harvest says. Sodium makes you retain water, which bloats you up – so you won't look and feel your best regardless of how much weight you want to lose.

Also: When food manufacturers try to squeeze a meal's worth of calories into a teeny tiny box, every bite ends up containing lots of calories by design, Harvest adds. While large portions trick your brain into thinking your body is full, the measly portions found in freezer meals are inherently unsatisfying, even though they contain plenty of calories. So skip them if you can, and supersize your portions of lower-calorie foods.

3. High-Fiber Snack Bars

Yes, everyone needs fiber — it keeps your digestive system churning and keeps you feeling full, even when you're cutting back on calories. What you don't need: Nearly one day's worth of fiber (about 25 grams) in one snack bar, with a diet that's otherwise devoid of it, Harvest says. "Fiber intake has to be consistent throughout the day to stave off hunger, improve digestive health, and not cause stomach upset." So ditch the bars, and try to include some kind of naturally fiber-rich produce — any fruit or veggie will do— in every snack and meal.

4. "Low-Fat" Foods

Research suggests that people tend to eat upwards of 30 percent more when they know they're eating a food that's low fat. The problem (besides overeating, which can thwart your weight loss goals fast) is that when food makers remove fat from food, they inevitably remove some of the flavor. To compensate, they often add sugar, which makes the product even worse for you.

5. Juice

It takes several oranges to make one 6-ounce glass of OJ, but when you drink juice, you consume all the calories from those oranges without the natural fruit fibers that fill you up. It's why "even 100 percent juice is just empty calories and another blood sugar spike," Harvest says.

Another thing: Fructose, the natural fruit sugar that makes fruit and fruit juice taste sweet, tricks your body into gaining weight by blunting your body's ability to recognize when it's full, says Melissa Rifkin, a registered dietitian at Montefiore Medical Center in New York and a Rise nutrition coach. This makes you eat more, and increases your risk of developing insulin resistance and diabetes.

6. Artificially Sweetened Drinks

Goodbye, diet soda, and every other sweet-tasting drink that mysteriously contains zero calories! "There are some people whose brains are wired in a way that artificial sweeteners induce or enhance cravings," says Dr. Seltzer. "If drinking a Diet Snapple leads you to the Ben & Jerry's, then you'd certainly be better off with water or water with lemon." Or sparkling water: It's calorie-free, but carbonated, which makes your stomach feel full so you end up eating less overall.

7. Cereal Sold in a Value-Size Box

The same goes for super-sized snack packages. People consume up to 22 percent more when they eat from larger packages, according to a study conducted by researchers at Cornell University's Food and Brand Lab. When people know there is more food available, they subconsciously let themselves eat more of it. The same goes for food you buy on sale: you're more likely to consume more when food costs less, according to another study. That's not to say you should spend more on food to eat less overall — it's unsustainable (and silly). If you're going to spring for a value pack of any packaged food, measure out your serving instead of eating out of the bag so you don't fall pray to your own mind's games.

8. Booze

It's almost impossible to find a weight loss expert who recommends alcohol for weight loss. (Believe me, I tried.) While some cocktails have fewer calories than others, alcohol just doesn't support weight loss. It contains empty calories that don't fill you up or provide any nutrients; softens your resolve so you're more likely to overeat; and impairs your judgement, regardless of your weight loss goals. (It's why you drunk eat pizza, not salad.) But it gets worse: "When alcohol is present in your body, it's considered a toxin that your body wants to get rid of, and becomes you liver's top priority," says Dr. Caroline Cederquist, MD, creator of bistroMD. When your liver is in hardcore detox mode, it can't burn fat as efficiently. Because that's a major buzz kill, skip the buzz altogether if you're serious about losing weight. Or at least cut back on the booze, big time.

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15 Things Not to Say to Someone Who Just Lost Weight

Seven years ago, I found myself on a family vacation in Paris, staring blankly into a department store mirror. Over the course of the previous year, I'd gained about 20 pounds and hadn't realized it until that moment, when everything I tried on made me feel painfully awkward in my own skin.

Determined to make a change, I spent the next few months exercising and cutting back on the constant carb consumption that had become my norm. Thanks to my young adult genetics, the weight came off easily. But stomaching the responses of my friends when they saw me next wasn't as simple. Here are a few things you should never say to a person who's recently shed some pounds.

1. "You look so much better!" Wait … did I really look that bad before?

2. "Don't you think those pants look a little baggy on you now?" Inevitably, I will need a whole wardrobe of fresh clothes that fit my frame, but that doesn't mean I'm ready to plunge into that tight, deep-V shirt now if I didn't feel comfortable in it before. Baby steps.

3. "So what are you going to do to keep the weight off?" The fear of gaining the weight back races through my head every day. Please don't fuel the fire.

4. "You look too skinny." Reserve this comment, even if it's meant to flatter, for extreme situations when you genuinely think someone is at risk. After a person has lost significant weight, when she looks in the mirror, she doesn't always see what you see. Give her some time to adjust to her new physique without adding extra judgment that could cloud her perceptions.

5. "So how many more pounds do you have to go?" Well, none, but I appreciate the implication that I still have more work to do.

6. "Do you mind if I eat these fries in front of you??" Yes, it's taking every inch of my willpower not to leap across the table and snatch them out of your hands like a lion pouncing on a gazelle, but I'm not going to tell you that. Instead, I'll sit here and tell you how filling this kale is, while I silently die a little inside.

7. "Are you worried about stretch marks?" If someone has made a change to get their life on a healthier path, the last thing she wants to satisfy is your morbid curiosity about extra skin or stretch marks. She might have them, she might not, but in all likelihood, she wears them like a badge of pride for the massive accomplishment she just conquered.

8. "Wow, don't you love how everyone is staring at you?" Whether they're staring because you have high-fiber, low-calorie spinach in your teeth or because you just look so fantastic, many people who carried weight before are used to hiding from the spotlight, not basking in it. They may not love all this attention, even if it's meant to feel congratulatory.

9. "We're having steak, but I made this salad just for you!" Even if you feel like you're going out of your way to be considerate and accommodating to someone who's dieting, the message you wind up sending is that your friend can't control herself. If she's lost the weight already, she probably did it without you cooking her separate meals.

10. "So how much weight did you lose exactly?" Some people might want to shout out their accomplishments from the rooftop like a before-and-after commercial, but others are a lot more private. Respect the fact that your friend may not want you to know how much she weighs.

11. "Honestly, I liked you better with a little more meat on your bones." You might be trying to make your friend feel like she didn't have to change, but this isn't necessarily the kind of support she needs. Better to tell her how happy and healthy she seems than cast more doubt on her transformation.

12. "You're on that diet? I read an article that it's really bad for you." In this day and age, everyone is a doctor in the making, with a degree from WebMD with a concentration in paranoia. Save your counsel for the message boards, and unless your friend is engaged in truly unsafe behavior, let her do whatever works for her.

13. "It's like you're a completely different person." I wasn't aware that my body fat percentage was directly proportional to my personality, but thank you for the newfound identity crisis!

14. "Oh, come on, you can have just a little!" Well, not necessarily. Someone who's really committed to weight loss faces temptations every day, and she doesn't need any more from her friends. If you can avoid talking about food while you're eating, do it. The subject is fraught enough for your friend already.

15. "Great!! Now you can sign up for that 5K with me!!!!" If your friend didn't love running races before, losing some weight didn't magically rewire her brain chemistry. If she picked up jogging as a way to get fit, then by all means, invite her, but don't assume she shares your fitness goals and avocations.

Ultimately, you control the dials on the peanut-gallery radio. I learned how to turn down the volume on everyone else's commentary and focus on keeping myself on a path of healthfulness, on my own terms. Which definitely did not involve 5Ks, and admittedly, did involve choosing French fries over kale every once in awhile.

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Drop 5 Pounds in a Week

Cosmo has come up with a fat-torching plan that really will subtract up to 5 pounds from your bod in seven days — without starvation, bizarre supplements, or cutting out entire food groups. How? It's all about small sacrifices combined with specific techniques. And rather than giving you a one-size-fits-all regimen, we figure you're more likely to stick with the plan if you pick the eating and exercise strategies that fit your lifestyle.

Drink Mainly Water

A sports or energy drink, fruit smoothie, or light beer — each serving contains about 100 calories. Yet these beverages don't satisfy you the way 100 calories of food does, so they're a waste. Other liquids may be high in sodium and carbohydrates, which trick your body into retaining water, puffing you out.

Water, on the other hand, has zero calories and carbs and little to no sodium, making it the perfect slim-down drink. And strangely, it actually helps flush out excess water weight as well as jump-starts your metabolism. If it's just too boring, add lemon wedges or mint leaves.

Ban White Bread and Pasta

Cutting out all white grain products — such as white rice, spaghetti, sandwich rolls — will instantly slim you down because the simple carbs in these foods cause bloating, especially around your belly. "Simple carbohydrates wreak havoc on your weight because they're digested very quickly, leaving you hungry and more likely to overeat later," says Jana Klauer, M.D., author of The Park Avenue Nutritionist's Plan.

To go a step further, instead of replacing them with healthier yet still bloat-triggering whole-grain bread products, substitute vegetables for the week. This way, a chicken sandwich becomes chicken salad, and chips and dip turn into carrots and dip. The complex carbs from vegetables are digested more slowly, so you remain full longer. And because veggies are mostly water, they also help flush out excess water weight.

Do Cardio 30 Minutes a Day

Any workout that gets your heart rate up will burn calories. But you'll use more calories if you pick a cardio routine that engages multiple muscles simultaneously, says Wendy Larkin, personal-training manager at Crunch's Polk Street gym, in San Francisco.

Three to consider: spinning, cardio kickboxing, and boot-camp workouts. Half an hour of each torches 200 to 300 calories while toning up your arms, legs, and core so everything appears sleeker and tighter.

You'll burn even more calories per session if your workout incorporates interval training: alternating short bursts of intense cardio with slower activity. Experts aren't sure why it works, but trainers swear by it.

Drink Coffee an Hour Before Working Out

This is the one exception to the stick-to-water-only rule: Just as a coffee run makes your morning at work more productive, a pre-exercise cup of java with a splash of skim milk (about 11 calories) or black (just 5 calories) will energize your workout, explains Dr. Klauer. "You'll burn more calories without realizing you're pushing yourself harder."

Have Nightly You-on-Top Sex

Not that you needed an excuse to hook up with your guy every night, but the fact is, this position is a fat blaster. Being on top means you do the rocking, and the more active you are, the more calories you burn — up to 144 for 30 minutes.

Sex also pumps levels of feel-good neurotransmitters, endorphins, helping you ride out food cravings. Get on top in reverse-cowgirl (i.e., facing away from your guy) to give your thigh and butt muscles an extra push.

Do 36 Push-Ups and Lunges Every Other Day

These gym-class staples will help sculpt muscle, so you'll sport a more streamlined appearance. Do three sets of 12 of each exercise every other day. "Push-ups target your upper body, while lunges work your butt, hips, and thighs," says Larkin. Quick tip: Make sure your back and legs remain in a straight line during your push-ups; it'll improve muscle tone. Also, you can build even more muscle with the lunges if you hold free weights in each hand while doing them.

Sleep 30 Minutes More a Night

That extra half an hour, whether you sleep 5 hours or 8, can refresh you enough that you will make better food choices (in other words, no quick sugar fix for breakfast in search of energy) and won't feel lethargic and skip the gym, says registered dietician Esther Blum, author of Eat, Drink, and Be Gorgeous. More restful sleep (7 to 8 hours is best) also boosts your metabolism. And since your body builds muscle while you snooze, getting zzz's equals better muscle tone.

Make One Food Sacrifice

Cutting out one indulgence — such as the chips you have with lunch or the chocolate dessert you eat after dinner — can subtract a few hundred calories from your diet, which translates into less flab, says Blum. "Your body won't even notice their absence."

Don't Let the Camera Add Pounds

Push your chin forward, hold your arms away from your body, and turn slightly sideways from the camera with one foot in front of the other.

GET THINNER IN HOURS

Really. These slenderizing effects may not be permanent, but they'll help you look hotter in your skinniest jeans on very short notice.

Eat Salmon for Lunch

It's packed with nutrients that build muscle tone and give your skin a healthy glow. Some nutritionists claim that consuming a portion (doesn't matter how it's cooked) may immediately make your face look a bit more contoured.

Stand Up Straight

Keeping your spine rigid and your shoulders back while sucking in your belly toward your spine gives you a slimmer, more streamlined middle.

Do Squats and Sit-Ups

Bodybuilders use this technique before competitions because it adds definition to muscle. Do three sets of 12 of each exercise to tighten your abs, butt, and legs temporarily.

Pop an Antigas Pill

Take one of these chewable tablets, sold over-the-counter at drugstores, to relieve bloating in your abdomen and break up gas bubbles in your digestive track, leaving you with a flatter tummy.

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