Can You Lose Weight With This Huge Vibrating Fork?

One of life’s most mundane endeavors is weight loss. As much as I’ve tried to enjoy going to the gym (shoutout to the ladies at water aerobics! Much love!) or embracing a fun new diet (cabbage soup! Never leaving the bathroom again!), my boredom has always caught up with me. And if not my boredom, then a polite gym attendant who has to invite me to stop walking on the treadmill like it's a runway because it is disturbing the other patrons.

In my quest to find new ways to torture myself, I’ve found the Hapifork. The Hapifork is a giant fork that costs $99.99 at Brookstone and buzzes and lights up when you eat too fast. This is how the fork lets you know you’ve transgressed. It has a customizable timer that counts the seconds between bites; if you eat too quickly, the fork vibrates and flashes, alerting everyone that you are Augustus Gloop-ing your way through life.

Monday, 4 P.M.
After a four-hour charging period, the fork is ready for use. I’m less ready than the fork, mainly because in my excitement to try it I have ordered food that is not traditionally eaten with such an instrument: curry soup and fries. In a fit of inspiration I spear the fries with the fork and eat them one by one as nature never intended. I eat slowly at first so as not to anger the fork. Then, having felt no vibrations or embarrassing light-ups, I begin taking risks, shoving food into my mouth at a human pace. The fork buzzes against my teeth. I feel like I am at the dentist. I eat slower.

Monday, 4:30 P.M.
After the tenth individual fry (which I chewed 100 times, thank you), I drop the fork and go after the entire basket. When my partner Allen comes home and asks whether I ate slower, I just growl and fling the remaining nubs of French fries at his face.

Tuesday, 6 P.M.
The fork and I go to an Italian restaurant. As I’m removing it from its case, the waitress tells me that the restaurant provides its own forks for my convenience. I explain that I need a special fork as Allen looks on, mortified. What?

Tuesday, 6:15 P.M.
Allen tells me he prefers me not eating with what appears to be an enormous multi-pronged vibrator. He says I look like a sad, sexual Christmas Tree.

Tuesday, 6:16 P.M.
I put the fork away. I eat seven breadsticks.

Wednesday, 12 P.M.
I take the fork to a work party but am too afraid to use it. Instead, I keep it in my bag and force myself to count to ten in between bites. I feel like an insanitor.

Wednesday, 1 P.M.
I steal a slice of cake from the party and eat it in my office with the fork. At the rate I’m going, I’m afraid I'll run out the batteries at record speed. The fork buzzes and buzzes. A friend enters the office and I quickly stick the fork into my bag where it refuses to believe I’ve stopped eating and vibrates in desperation, begging me to slow down like it's that one song by TLC. I hear you, fork. I’m trying to stick to the rivers and the lakes that I’m used to.

My friend asks if I plan on answering my phone because it seems like someone is trying to get through. I consider taking out my phone and talking loudly on it to drown out the fork, but think better of it. Instead I kick my bag. So much for looking sane.

Thursday, 8:30 P.M.
We (me and the fork; this is my main relationship now. Allen is there, too) are going out to dinner with my his friends on Friday and we agree that we need to discuss it beforehand.

"How long do you plan to do this?" Allen asks. “Like is this a week-long thing?"

"This is a lifestyle change," I tell him. "This is me now."

"You should practice in the mirror then. You make really weird faces when you’re expecting the fork to vibrate, and it’s clear that you’re counting to ten between bites."

He’s correct. When I consult with the mirror — vibrating forks! Talking mirrors! Bring me the heart of Snow White! — it’s clear that the fork will still take a little bit of getting used to. I’m biting too hard and my teeth are clanging against it.

"And the red light is freaky too," Allen says as he passes by. "That is some real American Horror Storyshit you’ve got going on there."

Friday, 7 P.M.
I choose not to bring the fork out to dinner. Mainly because I forget. But it may not just be a coincidence. Even though the fork forces me to be mindful of my eating, it’s not as effective as I’d hoped. The buzzing isn’t enough to make me eat slower, the vibration actually makes eating pleasant, and the red light in my peripheral vision just annoys me.

Plus, it’s a fork the size of a Yeti’s hand that vibrates like a dying bed at a cheap motel. I think I’ll take my chances with a few extra pounds.

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Imagine Having to List Your Weight and Height on a Job Application

In what may be the world's most awkward job application process, right up there with trying out to be Miley Cyrus's Christmas tree, South Korean companies routinely ask prospective employees for personal details like height, weight, and blood type. Korea Investment & Securities Co., the Wall Street Journal reports, also asks applicants for information about their parents' employment. Additionally:

Rubber-product maker Nexen Corp. asks an applicant to reveal his native place, family root, weight and height, eyesight, blood type, religion, and civil state. Applicants are also asked to reveal their parents' names, ages, educational achievement, the names of companies they work for and their positions there, whether the applicant lives with them, and information on each applicant's siblings.

The South Korean government just passed a bill designed to curtail the collection of such personal details from potential employees. Because honestly, as if applying for a job weren't nervewracking and awkward enough, can you imagine: "What are your biggest weaknesses? And HOW MUCH do you weigh again?" Encouraging stuff, right there.

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Teens Who Overcome Obesity Likelier To Develop Eating Disorders

A new study from Pediatrics (via USA Today) shows that obese teens who lose the excess weight are significantly likelier to develop eating disorders later in life. That's no surprise — losing weight is tough, and the lines between dieting and disordered eating can easily become blurry.

But unlike adolescents who start off at a more normal size and then lose weight, formerly obese teens are much less likely to receive medical treatment, even for severe eating disorders. The study suggests that doctors applaud weight loss in obese patients where it would otherwise be a cause for concern, resulting in eating disorders going untreated for years. Psychiatrist Jennifer Hagman explains that it's a "new, high-risk population that is under-recognized" among medical professionals: "They come in with the same fear of fat, drive for thinness, and excessive exercise drive as kids who would typically have met an anorexia nervosa diagnosis. But because they are at or a even a little bit above their normal body weight, no one thinks about that."

The findings looked at two case studies of teens who had lost a dramatic amount of weight and developed eating disorders, showing clear physical symptoms of anorexia, from stress fractures to dizziness to hair loss, as well as psychological ones: "Fear of fat, drive for thinness, and excessive exercise drive," says Hagman. "But because they are at or a even a little bit above their normal body weight, no one thinks about [anorexia]." Those teens were diagnosed with rarer diseases, with doctors ignoring the obvious possibility that those patients instead could have eating disorders because of their weight histories. 

Leslie Slim, the clinical director of the eating disorders program at the Mayo Clinic, says that "when a child is obese and starts to lose weight, we think it's a really great thing and we applaud it and reinforce it and say it's so wonderful and now you're healthy," says Sim. But if that weight loss becomes problematic, those patients "are just not being identified because of their weight history."

Recent statistics show that 6% of youths suffer from eating disorders, which have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness; meanwhile, 55% of high school girls and 30% of boys reported "disordered eating symptoms" in 2011 — a scary figure. 

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9 Times You Should Shut Up About Your Weight

1. When you wake up.

"Ugh, I feel so fat today!" is a shitty way to start the day, and you don't need that garbage talk in your brain or your life, so kindly knock it off and start your day with a "Holy fuck, I am the hottest and also, is Zac Efron single?! Because someone should tell him he can't get this." (JK, Efron. JK forever.)

2. Before you eat.

Aka "Ugh, I was so bad earlier today, I better skip dessert!" News flash: Skipping dessert doesn't mean you're being "good" or "better." It just means you skipped dessert. How about checking in with your body to see if you really want dessert, and if you do, have it? And if you don't, don't? One dessert isn't going to fuck you for life; on your death bed, you're not gonna be all, "Shouldn't ... have ... had ... that ... flourless ... chocolate ... tart ... *death rattle* *last gasp*" ... And scene.

3. Before you try on clothes.

Dude, your body is awesome and perfect and you don't need to dread looking at it in a bikini because GIRL, YOU FINE. Also, when you're all, "Ugh I need to lose 10 pounds before I can rock that Borat bathing suit to the beach," you take away your own power. And you don't need to do that, because plenty of media and advertising are already trying to do that. They want you to think you need to lose 10 pounds and shave yourself bare and magically become tan without getting skin cancer and a million other dumb things. But you're smarter than that and know that you don't need any of that shit to look and feel amazing.

4. Before you work out.

Before you work out, you should be all, "DAMN, I AM A CHAMPION FOR TAKING CARE OF MY BODY," and not all, "DAMN, I ATE HALF A CHEESE DANISH AND I AM A HEIFER SO I BETTER RUN FOR THREE DAYS STRAIGHT." That's not motivation, that's self-hate, and it's powerful and ugly. Exercise because you want to live forever, but don't exercise because you're afraid of wearing a larger size.

5. Before you go to the doctor's.

No more waiting to go to the doctor's because you're not at your ideal weight. Your doctor isn't going to shame you and if they do, you need a new doctor. There's no need to apologize for your weight or pretend you're going on a diet the second you see the number on the doctor's scale. They're here to help, not judge you. Now go get that weird mole checked out!

6. When you're out with your friends.

One of the worst things women can do together is obsess about their weight. It distracts us from real goals — aka girls running the world! Ever heard of it? Take it away, Bey! — and reduces us to pathetic stereotypes of girls counting calories and laughing over sad desk salads. If you feel great about your body because you lost five pounds, that's fantastic. But I hope you feel great about your body when you gain 10 pounds too. Because it's your body and it's fully lovable at any and every size and that's the kinda stuff women should be saying out loud. Right before they walk on stage to accept the Nobel Peace Prize. (While their date Zac Efron applauds wildly in the audience, wiping tears of pride from his adoring eyes.)

7. On social media.

Asking for people to validate your weight on Facebook is maybe the saddest thing on earth. It MIGHT be worse than just using Twitter to post the contents of your lunch. Yeah, it's that bad.

8. Around dudes.

No guy wants to be asked if your ass looks fat in that. It is literally the last thing on a list of things guys want to be asked, right after, "Do you want to try a SkinnyGirl Margarita?" and "Can you clean the toilet? My friends are coming over in 10 minutes!" Trust me, this dude is just so stoked he found a woman that lets him stick it in, he's thinking, "Yeah your ass looks fat and I LOVE IT."

9. Before you go to bed.

It's time to banish the "I had a hamburger today and so tomorrow I will starve myself" bullshit. How about, "Damn, that burger was good and I am excited for what tomorrow brings, whether it be more burgers, grad school acceptance letters, or a menage a trios with Zac Efron and Zac Efron. Bring it, future me!"

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A Certain Kind of Apple May Prevent Weight Gain

Everybody knows that apples are healthy, but there's a new reason to reach for the green ones: In a recent study, researchers from Washington State University compared seven common apples varieties and found that Granny Smiths are more likely than other kinds to help fend off health issues related to obesity, reduce your risk of diabetes, and maybe even promote weight loss.

In the study, researchers separated and measured different components of Braeburn, Fuji, Gala, Golden Delicious, Granny Smith, McIntosh, and Red Delicious apples to see which contained the most bioactive compounds, non-digestible parts that reach the colon intact and promote the growth of healthy bacteria. While all apples had some of this good stuff, Granny Smith apples contained the most.

In a second part of the study, the researchers compared the kinds of bacteria in droppings of obese and lean mice before and after feeding them the special apple compounds. (Stool contains evidence of gut bacteria, FYI.) Initially, researchers found that obese mice had different kinds of bacteria than lean mice. But after the obese mice ate the apple compounds, their bacteria began to resemble that of the lean mice.

Previous research has shown that certain bacteria found in obese people's guts can make them absorb more calories from food and make them more prone to weight gain. While more research is needed, the new findings suggest that eating Granny Smiths could balance out this bacteria in obese guts to facilitate weight loss and protect against health issues associated with being overweight, like inflammation and diabetes.

Before you start a green apple cleanse (for the record: BAD IDEA), remember that the subjects in this study were mice, not people. There's no guarantee that humans will react to apple compounds the same way.

But until more research is done, it can't hurt to get more green apples into your diet.

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How Victoria's Secret Model Elyse Taylor Lost 60 Pounds of Baby Weight

Australian model Elyse Taylor gave birth to daughter Lila eight months ago. Being a Victoria's Secret model, naturally, she's back in her pre-pregnancy shape:

Taylor says she put on over 60 pounds during her pregnancy, weighing 176 pounds right before she gave birth, according to the Daily Mail Australia. (Experts in the States recommend a 25- to 35-pound weight gain for women who are at a normal weight before pregnancy, or up to 40 pounds if you start out underweight.)

The model said she's had to work hard to lose the weight — and it wasn't easy:

"I tried different diets and now I'm on the blood type diet. My body has changed because usually I just juice or have salads. It's been exhausting [having to workout.]"

In an Bonberi.com interview she gave during her pregnancy, Taylor shared the fitness routine responsible for her pre-pregnancy figure: everyday, she did an hour of Pilates and 30 minutes of cardiolike running or power walking.

As for the Blood Type Diet, it's an eating plan based on the theory that your blood type affects your nutritional needs and can predict the way your body reacts to particular foods. Taylor didn't mention her blood type, but if you know yours and want to get on board: type As benefit from vegetarian foods; type Bs should avoid chicken and double down on gamey meats, veggies, eggs, and low-fat dairy; type ABs should avoid caffeine and alcohol, and load up on tofu, seafood, dairy, and greens; and type Os should avoid wheat, dairy, caffeine, and alcohol, and stick with lean meats and produce, according to the official Blood Type Diet's website.

The eating plan isn't designed for weight loss — it's more to promote wellness and fend off weight gain. If you think you need to lose weight though, chat with your doctor before you follow Taylor's lead.

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The 9 Best Desserts for Weight Loss

If you're on a diet, you absolutely, positively should be eating dessert. Really. For one, deprivation isn't sustainable. Deny yourself sweets for too long, and before you know it, you'll wake up with an empty cookie tin and a sugar hangover that makes tequila look tame. Ultimately, you'll gain back whatever weight you've lost and call the whole diet thing off.

Let yourself indulge in dessert on the regular though, and you may start to skip second and third helpings to save room for your treat. As long as you don't overdo it on dessert, this could reduce your overall calorie intake and ultimately result in weight loss, says Vicki Shanta Retelny, Chicago-based registered dietitian nutritionist.

But don't just give your sweet tooth anything it wants.  Set aside no more than 200 calories per day for dessert, and choose a treat that doubles as a weight loss weapon. It should be portion-controlled and include all of the most satisfying nutrients: high-fiber carbs, protein, and a little bit of fat, Retelny says. Here are nine treats that fit the bill – none of which are boring fruit:

1. If You Crave a Brownie: Try a Pure Bar Organic Dark Chocolate Brownie Bar

2. If You Crave Lots of Chocolate: Try Dark Chocolate-Drizzled Popcorn

3. If You Crave an Ice Cream Sundae: Try Greek Yogurt With Pistachios, Honey, and Dark Chocolate Chunks

4. If You Crave Real Ice Cream: Do It Up

5. If You Crave Ice Cream (and Seriously Can't Stop at a ½ Cup): Eat Arctic Zero Frozen Dessert

7. If You Crave Pudding: Try Homemade Chia Pudding

8. If You Crave a Cookie: Go for a VitaTops Muffin Top

9. If You Crave Cake: Eat a Starbucks Chocolate Cake Pop

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